I sat there with a look on my face that caught my wife’s attention, made her wonder just what in the heck was going through my mind. I was looking at our baby girl’s profile picture, a freshly printed 3D sonogram from our latest doctor’s appointment.
“Let me see that again,” she demanded, curious yet ready to provide an uncensored opinion of what she saw in the picture from the first time she looked at it – my wife held back any true commentary when the doctor was still in the room.
“Is that, is that a nose?” she asked.
“It’s more like her trunk,” I answered. “We can call her Snuffaluffagus.”
For those of you who may have forgotten, Snuffaluffagus, according to Urban Dictionary, was the imaginary mammoth-like friend that Big Bird would see when he was on acid. And I might as well have been on acid from the look of the distorted face, mainly the nose, in front of me.
“I see a lot of you, here,” I chimed in jokingly, knowing that in her emotional and very pregnant state I’d be pushing her buttons, which can be fun.
We’re 32 weeks pregnant and very clearly this yet to be named baby of ours still needs more time in the oven. I think it’s at week 35 where the triceratops-like ridges on her forehead go away. But thanks to the marvels of modern technology, we can actually see what’s going on in the womb in real time 3D. The question is, do we really need to?
Now I’m all for technology and what it has meant for mankind. Who knows where we’d be without universal remote controls or smart phones with enough apps to do everything from playing Scrabble to launching satellites? But after our doctor’s visit, seeing such a clear image may have clouded our outlook and increased our anxieties over what our child will look like when she decides to come into this world.
“All that extra stuff in there messes up the picture, that’s all,” my wife said. By “stuff” she means the placenta, the amniotic fluid, the sectional that was delivered last week.
“I mean that can’t be her nose.”
The frame on the wall at the doctor’s office showed a variety of 3D images of babies from inside the womb. Some looked human, some of them looked like they should have been hatching from eggs inside the zoo’s reptile exhibit.
Our daughter looked like something out of Star Trek, I’ll be honest. Am I worried? Not really, the three children that came before her seem to be pretty normal. Then again, Ava, our two-year-old, has been known to get violent when she doesn’t get her way, gritting her teeth and babbling in anger in what I can only make out as Klingon. We just stare at her in amazement, wondering if she’s actually cussing us out in her language or if she’s possessed.
Will Ava join forces with her new little sister to plot a way of taking over the entire galaxy? The short answer is no. Will she be so jealous that, as Klingons have been known to do, try to eat her new baby sister? We most certainly hope not.
No, that wouldn’t be a good thing.